I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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