She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
