pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
