Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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