Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
