The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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