I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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