2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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