My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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