Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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