I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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