i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
