If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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