i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
