You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize