we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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