sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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