She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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