There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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