Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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