I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳