My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just pynch a tree in the face
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....