forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
