ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.