please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams