these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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