Texts From Last Night

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  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

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  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4428) Bad night (740)
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  (909): View more from California

  College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

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  (909): College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe. http://tfl.nu/4iki
  Replies (50) Good night (11044) Bad night (1020)
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  (760): View more from California

  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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  (760): i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel. http://tfl.nu/n5cq
  Replies (177) Good night (5122) Bad night (4963)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.

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  (832): i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life. http://tfl.nu/zh94
  Replies (51) Good night (4854) Bad night (538)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

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  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (144) Good night (40444) Bad night (1561)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5871) Bad night (1309)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I honestly don't know what to make of that.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  A ham sandwich would be nice.

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  (423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s
  Replies (16) Good night (7719) Bad night (1161)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy

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  (775): How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy http://tfl.nu/hobw
  Replies (7) Good night (1085) Bad night (2550)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo

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  (757): broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo http://tfl.nu/o3pc
  Replies (11) Good night (2121) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

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  (617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb
  Replies (7) Good night (2894) Bad night (735)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends

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  (517): I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends http://tfl.nu/sky7
  Replies (4) Good night (1408) Bad night (434)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

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  (815): I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win. http://tfl.nu/e10p
  Replies (46) Good night (1784) Bad night (3035)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.

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  (248): I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up. http://tfl.nu/qg1r
  Replies (5) Good night (371) Bad night (1206)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.

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  (480): Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xfpb
  Replies (6) Good night (269) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.

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  (813): I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes. http://tfl.nu/ikkg
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (196)

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