anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"