Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos