Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Operation extremely regretful is in full effect

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  (803): Operation extremely regretful is in full effect http://tfl.nu/gnro
  Replies (3) Good night (1202) Bad night (612)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Did you see that girl I got with last night?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..

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  (541): Did you see that girl I got with last night? (1-541): Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay.. http://tfl.nu/om6e
  Replies (13) Good night (1058) Bad night (3884)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

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  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (8445) Bad night (780)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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  (785): It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon http://tfl.nu/mcj5
  Replies (33) Good night (961) Bad night (6357)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  How are you feeling today?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i could've thrown up on command at any point today...

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  (907): How are you feeling today? (330): i could've thrown up on command at any point today... http://tfl.nu/ewp1
  Replies (10) Good night (1176) Bad night (4607)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

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  (416): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard? http://tfl.nu/skft
  Replies (12) Good night (5912) Bad night (936)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

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  (518): I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere. http://tfl.nu/r42x
  Replies (13) Good night (1427) Bad night (4563)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?

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  (207): well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work? http://tfl.nu/5z5c
  Replies (10) Good night (3226) Bad night (970)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

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  (515): i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/608m
  Replies (7) Good night (872) Bad night (2897)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER

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  (801): I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER http://tfl.nu/tbl0
  Replies (13) Good night (3771) Bad night (690)
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  (310): View more from California

  may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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  (310): may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy... http://tfl.nu/t47h
  Replies (11) Good night (639) Bad night (1192)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.

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  (416): I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home. http://tfl.nu/62h6
  Replies (5) Good night (760) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Like really drunk?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?

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  (865): I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink (615): Like really drunk? (615): Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink? http://tfl.nu/tnlr
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (307)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"

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  (314): i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis" http://tfl.nu/xf6m
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.

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  (559): They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts. http://tfl.nu/pgwh
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (332)

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