If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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