Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
