he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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