Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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