He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
