She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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