being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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