your parents love me but you hate me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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