So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
