All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
