I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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