coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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