The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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