ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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