Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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