i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
