Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
