so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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