why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
