I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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