You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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