Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
