The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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