oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face