u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.