Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.