I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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