In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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