Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
